Fighting for Joy

17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
    and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
    and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
    and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
    I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
    He makes me as surefooted as a deer,[f]
    able to tread upon the heights. - Habakkuk 3:17-19

Recently, life has been a dogpile of misery. I honestly feel as though I've been fighting for my life to stay sane. Even more, I've been fighting for my life to remain joyous.

I have days when I fear that depression is creeping back in. I have been battling sickness upon sickness for the last 3 years (well my whole life),  but this year has got to be the worse. The agonising pain and nobody being able to tell me what's wrong. Even being admitted into hospital to be discharged the next day because it's currently not safe to operate. I feel insane.  Like my pain is invalid. Then on top of that having to see what's happening in the world news, plan future events, show up in relationships, show up at work. The guilt that comes when I fail to show up? Yikes.  ADULTING IS REALLY A JOB IN ITSELF PHEW!

In the end, the urge to just give up and the thoughts of "I want to quit", "I'm over it" slowly creep back in. But then something else arises. This feeling is new and recent! I feel this sense to fight in my blood. My mind tells me that we can't lose now. I refuse to be the old Tanesha. The Tanesha that allows life to dictate her moods, her decisions, her actions her thoughts. Naturally though, it does happen. I feel myself shrivelling back into a ball and wanting to retreat. Wanting to dim the lights the moment I feel triggered. 

So currently I am on a mission where I am fighting for joy - the joy of the Lord.

Joy differs from happiness in a massive way! Joy is present even when happiness is not. Joy is a state of being, a feeling of peace even when everything around is complete chaos. Happiness is fleeting. It depends on circumstance. The verse I put in the beginning of this post really struck me.

You see, Habakkuk was a prophet. He lived in a time where the nation of Judah was corrupt and going against God's will. God told Habakkuk that Judah was about to be invaded as they had gone against God. Habakkuk Chapter 3 takes us through a journey:

Habakkuk’s Prayer (Verses 1-2): Habakkuk begins with a prayer, asking God to remember mercy even as He brings judgment. It is a plea for God to act in a way that renews His mighty works and brings relief.

Vision of God’s Power (Verses 3-15): Habakkuk then reflects on God's past acts of salvation for His people. He recalls images of God’s power and might.

.Declaration of Faith (Verses 16-19): Even as Habakkuk anticipates hardship, he expresses complete trust in God. He acknowledges that disaster may come, and that he might face severe losses — including loss of food and livestock, which were essential for survival. Despite this, he chooses to rejoice in God, proclaiming that the Lord is his strength.

Personally, I felt as though we were on a journey with Habakkuk. My usual journey isn't so linear. I start by maybe asking why, then reminding myself what God has done before. Recently, I've been pointing out how God is so in control of nature, how much more our lives. I then move onto pleading with God for mercy, compassion and Grace much like Habakkuk. Then I may share a doubt or two.

Recently, I have been fighting for my life to reach the ending of that journey. To join Habakkuk in acknowledging that even though life is not sweet, the tree does not bear fruit, life feels empty, fragile, emotions are volatile, I will find joy in the Lord. Imagine knowing that your nation will crumble but not just acknowledging but choosing to move with a spirit of joy. I would even argue that joy is not just a feeling, it may start that way but then it will show in our actions and our words. Habakkuk chose to REJOICE in the Lord. That's heavy. That leads me to understand that accepting God's joy is not only a feeling, not only an act but also and most importantly a state of worship to the Lord.  

In Romans 12, Paul speaks on the renewing of the mind. us God has placed a vital process in us - neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to reorganise and form new neural connections throughout life in response to learning, experiences, or injury. God is so intentional! He knew before we knew how necessary this component would be. He knew that many of us would experience traumas, pains, situations and have to learn as well as unlearn. How beautiful that He gave us the ability to relearn and in relearning find the joy of the Lord!

You know the beauty of God and the most vital component of renewing our minds ... being vulnerable with God. It is only when we open ourselves up to the presence of the Holy Spirit and the correction of God that we will receive that peace - that joy.    Jesus said himself in John 10:10 - The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. To know Jesus, is to know AND to experience joy. Suffering on your own is one thing but to suffer with God? O the blessing

Thank you for reading. It has been a long time, hence the long post to make up for the time. Is this a comeback? who knows. God bless! x