'Gratitude Is a Must'

Yesterday evening I felt so guilty.

I had a beautiful day out on the beach with church friends
and family. The sun was out and so was I.

I was just resting my head on my pillow, looking back at
pictures and videos throughout the day with a massive smile on my face. Then I
came across particular videos.

I had asked my friend to video me whilst I was in the water.
I felt sick looking back at the videos. Growing up, my brain never registers my
deformity until I physically see it. The body I automatically assume I have,
compared to the body I ACTUALLY have are two different things.

I instantly felt ashamed last night. I started wondering who
might have been staring in disgust or sniggering behind my back. It’s so
shambolic.

I have a condition called ‘Kyphoscoliosis’. Kyphoscoliosis is a combination of two different curvatures of the spine: kyphosis and scoliosis (scoliosis being a common condition). As a result I lean to the side and I have one curve and one hip sticks out more than the other. I just feel ‘squarish’ and ‘abnormal’. I look around and think of people with ‘normal’ figures. It’s annoying because even I lose my chubbiness, my figure becomes even more prominent which saddens me. Sometimes I get irritated when people talk to me about how they hate their bodies and so forth and I just think “why can’t you be grateful? At least you have what is considered a normal shape!”

ALAS! I AM A HYPOCRITE! IN THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS, SHOULDN’T
I BE ABLE TO SEE THAT I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL AS WELL?

I believe sometimes we get caught up so much in what is
going wrong and what doesn’t seem fair as opposed to things we have to rejoice
and be glad about. We steal OUR OWN joy. Imagine, I’d had such a lovely day at
the beach, and I turned my head around and opened my long mouth to say I didn’t
enjoy it simply because of how I looked.

Usually when things go wrong, we start to count EVERYTHING
that is going wrong or has gone wrong in the past. It’s 2019 and we’ll still be
discussing situations that we supposedly healed from in 2012 to add to our list
of things that make life not worth living. We constantly throw stuff into this
black hole and cause it to grow and grow until we ourselves get sucked in.

Don’t get me wrong, my feelings haven’t changed overnight.
For as long as I can remember I have struggled with accepting myself and moving
on. However, when I start to feel low, I try to count how many things I can be
grateful for.

Hebrews 13:15 (KJV) calls us to “offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually”.

The Easy English Bible of 2018 (the same verse) tells us
that “we should always praise God because
of what Jesus has done for us. Let us say clearly that we trust Jesus…”

For me, this verse is exemplifying the fact that my praises
should never end. My gratefulness and my gratitude should never cease.

I may have a condition that causes me to look different, but
I am still alive.

I have eyes to see. A brain that’s in order (for the most
part lol). Feet to walk. Hands to use. My condition doesn’t limit my mobility
to an extent. So for that I give thanks.

Once I learn that my condition doesn’t define me, Gods’
grace and mercy is what completes me and sustains me, then I know I will be
alright.

Same for you! Your condition of life doesn’t define you. The
amount of money you possess, your relationship status, living arrangements etc.

My challenge is for you to sit and think firstly about the
tangible things you’re grateful for.

NOW

Think deeper. Think about the intangible things you’re
grateful for.

This one is harder and it’s often where we fail because our
minds are so focused on things of lesser importance. Things that are not
permanent. Things the world draws you to desire.

If this is something you struggle with and you can’t find any positives in life, please seek professional help. There are people willing to help you. If you don’t believe it’s that serious, I am here to talk to.

Thanks for reading.