Handling Life Without Losing Yourself
When I worked in nurseries, one of the key life lessons to instil in the little bubbas, was resilience. It was so funny, because a child would climb up onto something, then when they reach the top, they’d start crying and reaching for help to come down. Now this may sound mean, but I wouldn’t always immediately offer that help. I’d reassure them that they were okay because if they could figure out how to get up, they could 100% figure out how to come back down (well most time anyways). Sure enough, with patience and a moment to think, they’d figure out how to get back down, and it would be a shout of “hoorays” and “I did its” and “yaaaaays” mixed with clapping.
Watching children learn to be resilient really prods your mind because you realise that the majority of the things we’re expected to know, don’t just happen. We have been learning since we escaped the womb. When children are learning resilience, it’s visible, but as adults we don’t realise that we are building our resilience daily; it just happens more internally. Then to top it, we’re no longer praised for learning the hard things, it just becomes expectation. (Sucks I can’t lie.)
This adulting thing is not for the weak. And the times we’re living in don’t make it any easier. Everywhere you look there’s news of constant calamity, and closer to home there’s the everyday weight we carry. The job pressures, financial strain, family tensions, heartbreak, sickness, loss. Some things you feel as though you can’t even share.
And for some, we’ve come to the end of January. You may have set goals with so much hope at the start of the year, only to realise it’s harder than you thought. The weight isn’t dropping fast enough. That new skill isn’t clicking yet. Progress feels slow. You feel stunted.
So, let’s talk resilience. What does it even mean?
The dictionary defines resilience as:
- the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties
Now we ask, what does resilience actually look like when life doesn’t slow down; when the pressure stays and the answers don’t come right away?
1.Remaining hopeful
This isn’t easy at all in the middle of unanswered questions, painful moments or waiting. However, you need to give yourself the chance to believe that better is coming. This means a change of mindset. It’s easy to think your situation is fixed and become enveloped in it. But is that healthy?
Let me give you a visual. In the winter months, most trees shed their leaves. Arguably, the thing that makes them beautiful, iconic even. However, as Spring approaches, the branches don’t stay naked forever. They become clothed with the most beautiful pink blossoms. Like a little tease of beauty before the greenery emerges.
I say this to say, things can change. People can change. Blessings can come. Maybe not how we expect them to, but it will still be beautiful.
We’re reminded in Romans 8:18: For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Just how God has His hands in nature, He has His hands in our lives. He controls the change of the seasons. How much more is He standing with us in our seasons?
(ayyy I even cried writing this section, I beg. God is beautiful!)
2. Finding Resolutions
As humans, we need to be more pro-active instead of reactive. I feel as though, we just sit and wait for answers like they will pour onto our lap. Our pride prevents us from seeking help. Our stubbornness prevents us from finding new ways of doing things. When people talk to us, our ego’s block out wisdom. So, time and time again, we fail. We limit ourselves. Then we fall into the trap of thinking that life is failing when really, we can’t see a way out because we’re not allowing a way out.
Finding resolution often means facing the very problem we think we’re tackling but are running from. It means being honest about what’s not working and brave enough to try again, differently. It’s okay to reroute. It’s okay to pause and say, this isn’t working, let me find another way.
When we feel emotions, they don’t have to drive our actions. They can be noticed, acknowledged, and then used as information, not instruction. Resilience grows when we choose response over reaction, seek wisdom, and allow support in. Sometimes life isn’t failing us we’re just being invited to face it.
Back to my nursery story: just like the children who would climb up and then freeze at the top, we can become stuck not because there’s no way down, but because we’re refusing to pause, listen, or try a different approach. What I saw in those children I worked with, I now recognise in myself. Sometimes we’re not stuck because there’s no way forward, but because we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to try.
James 1:15 teaches us - If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him
We don’t need to figure everything out alone. God is ready to send us the answers we need!
3. Pausing, Kindness & Gratefulness
Before rushing to react, it’s important to pause and reflect. Take a moment to notice how the situation is making you feel, but also try to step back if you can, so it doesn’t start running wild in your mind. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself a break from the stresses of life.
This can look different for everyone. I’ve started waking up early to do Pilates or go for walks. For some, it might be writing in a diary. For others, it’s sitting in stillness, fully present with the world around them. It could be arts and crafts, going to the gym, or anything that grounds you.
In these moments, practising gratitude for the little things makes a difference. The fact you can get up and move, meet a friend, enjoy a cup of tea, or feel the sun or wind on your skin. It’s these small pauses and acknowledgements that make everything feel a bit easier and help you carry on with resilience.
“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10 (KJV)
“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (KJV)
What I find brilliant is that the Bible mentioned resilience first, even though the actual term resilience wasn’t coined until the 17th century. Life challenges us. That’s a given. Yet, James 1:3–4 (KJV) reminds us:
“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
As 2 Corinthians 4:8–9 (KJV) says:
“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.”
Life may bring pure wahala, but we can bend without breaking and grow stronger with each step. That’s resilience; moving forward with faith.
Question: Which habit, practice, or pause could help you face your current struggles with a bit more patience, presence, and courage?