I Wonder ... — Tanesha's Chronicles

I wonder what it feels like to actually want to go home.

I wonder what it feels like to be at ‘home’.

Surely, a home is a place where you find rest, comfort and
love?

I wonder what it feels like to not have to get ready to go to war each day.

I wonder what it feels like to live in a place where emotional and verbal abuse is taken as seriously as physical.

When will people understand that you don’t have to be physically
abusive in order to have detrimental impacts on a person’s soul.

I wonder what it feels like to not cry almost everyday to the point of dehydration.

I wonder what it feels like to be able to speak freely to the one that is supposed to listen without knowing that I will be shutdown.

Instead, I turn to social media to vent. Not for attention,
but because the one who is supposed to listen, refuses. I turn to my razors to
find comfort in my pain because the one who God gave me to, doesn’t know how to
be comforting.

I wonder what it feels like to be told ‘I love you’ and STILL BE SHOWN through actions and words that the words are in fact meant.

I wonder what it feels like to not have to listen to other people’s stories of opposite experiences and not feel a pain in my stomach from envy.

It’s just not right.

I wonder what it feels like to not have everything that has been done for you thrown back in your face. Even if you’re grateful, struggling to untangle that love an appreciation from anger and frustration.

I wonder what it feels like to not have to explain to someone constantly that they are in the wrong.

It’s difficult trying to talk but because people’s egos are
so high, they feel attacked, so they put everything back on you.

When I say I am tired -

I am lucky that my bible tells me in Psalms 27 that the Lord will be my father as well as my God.I am grateful that my bible tells me in 1 Peter 5 that God cares for me and will take my burdens upon himself with a sincere heart.I rejoice because my bible tells me in 1 John 4 that God is love and it goes even further to say that this being of Love, loves me. I sing praises because my bible tells me in Revelation 21 that God has a new home for me in glory where I will NEVER cry again.