The Start: What's This All About?

Hi Readers!

I have decided to start a blog (again) because I truly felt like I was helping people before by the comments I received and I feel like I want to do that again but with a twist. I deleted my previous blog because along with the positive feedback I got, came the negatives and I was at a point in my life where all I did was focus on the negative. Constantly there were people, mainly adults, telling me that I was

"sharing too much of my life..."

The way I see it now is that there are people all over going through similar experiences that you have been through or are going through right now. By sharing those experiences and how you dealt with them you can potentially help and change somebodies life. You should NEVER hide the blessings God has bestowed upon you. No matter what anybody says, it is your story so you can tell whoever you want. Your testimony may be a beacon to somebody else. So that is what I intend to do - share my experiences and  EVERYTHING that God has done for me...

The main battle I have had to deal with is my depression. Before I was diagnosed I refused to believe that something wasn't right. However I never wanted to speak to anybody about my feelings. I had it in my head that if I pretended they weren't there, they would just disappear. Unfortunately they never. It got to the point where I would start picking at my skin whenever I got upset or angry. Gradually I moved onto cutting myself with razor blades. Self harm felt like the only way I could release whatever was going on. Then one day I broke and couldn't hide it any longer. I remember the night so clearly. I ran into my parents room. My dad was in there. I just started crying. I couldn't even talk so I showed him my arms. From that point on it was literally psychologist after psychologist and to tell you the truth, my depression  just worsened.

It gets to a point where you feel like nobody understands. Nobody. You could try and explain your emotions and what's going on in your mind time and time again but it all just feels pointless. Still feels like that sometimes if I'm honest. Truth is I was ignoring the one person who could truly help me and that was God. Honestly, I felt guilty. Guilty that he'd helped me through so much before and here I was just shutting him out because I wanted to end it. I didn't want to know anything at that time because all my life I was told "

self harming is a sin, suicide is a sin

". I didn't care for any of it at that point because self harm felt like the only thing helping me.

Fast forward three years later to 2016. These three years have been a massive rollercoaster of emotions. I can gladly say I haven't self harmed since June 2015. The only reason I believe I am able to say that is because of God. I'm not going to act all happy-go-lucky because I'm still battling with depression. Now though, I am willing to let God in. I pray consistently. Even when I have no words I literally just cry out for Jesus and wait for his still small voice. I still have my breakdowns but God always builds me back up.

This is just the beginning. I haven't really gone into detail as this is just an introductory post but in the following posts I will reveal how far I've come. How far my Lord has brought me. Hopefully you can relate and find a sense of peace in your life.

Thanks for reading x