This Is Not What I Planned

When this title first came to my mind I immediately thought of my good sis Sharpay Evans from High School Musical and her part in 'Status Quo': "this is not what I want, this is not what I planned"...

A true tune, but boy does that line play out a lot in our lives.

Take my wedding for example. It all started on Pinterest  as all great visions do. I had a board for makeup, hair, dresses, all of it. When the day came it was not what I had envisioned at all. The church ceremony I ended up loving as it felt special and intimate. But after that? I honestly checked out. The reception wasn't what I originally planned, from the venue to the flow of it all. But just because my wedding day didn't go as planned, was I going to leave my relationship of three years? The man I loved and had built a real bond with? Absolutely not. And yet somehow, when life doesn't go as planned, a lot of us are ready to give up on God.

Let's stay with that marriage imagery for a moment because the Bible actually uses it a lot. Scripture repeatedly picturee Jesus as the bridegroom and us as the bride . Even beyond that imagery, we are even called friends of Jesus (John 15:15, Revelation 19:7, Matthew 25:1-13). In any relationship but particularly especially marriage; you ride through the ups and downs, the thick and the thin. We literally make a covenant before God promising to do exactly that. So why is it that with our very Creator, the minute something goes wrong, we up and leave? We choose to stop believing.

A lot of us need to sit with this question: are we following God to reach our desired visionor are we following the God who created our minds to even come up with a vision in the first place? When things don't go as planned, do we still sing "Christ is my firm foundation" or do we allow ourselves to be swallowed by sinking sand?

During devotional recently I was prompted to read Numbers 13 and 14. The Israelites had finally reached the edge of the promised land and Moses sent twelve spies to scout it out. Ten came back with fear stating that yes the land was good, but the people were giants and they felt like grasshoppers in comparison. Caleb and Joshua came back with faith, insisting God would deliver it. The people chose fear. And in Numbers 14 we see them outwardly turn their backs on God. This was not because He had failed them, but because the journey wasn't going how they expected. They had witnessed slavery end, the Red Sea part, manna fall from the sky, water come from a rock and still they decided the same God couldn't help them face the giants ahead. Their disappointment led them so far that they actually talked about choosiny a new leader to take them back to Egypt. Back to slavery.

Sound absurd right? Yet that is us.

A lot of us allow disappointment to pull us away or completely detach us from wanting to know God at all. We can even find ourselves wishing to go back to the very things that hurt us, because our brains distort our memories under pain. Misery starts to feel safer than fighting, building or moving toward what God has called us to. And this is where it becomes something deeper than disappointment.  It becomes idolising our emotions. We have evidence that God can move, but if He doesn't move according to our will, suddenly there can be no God because it doesn't feel good to us. We quote verses like Romans 8:28 expecting it to mean everything works out in our favour, when really the full picture found Romans 8:29, and verses like James 1:2-4 and Isaiah 55:8-9 ; points to character transformation and the will of God, not the comfort of ours.

The commandments tell us idolatry is a sin (Exodus 20:3-4). We understand that other gods, our phones, and distractions can become idols but so can our emotions. If we follow our feelings above the word and will of God, that is idolising the emotion. Paul instructs us to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). That includes the thoughts our disappointment produces.

Now listen, disappointment is valid. We are human. Even in our closest relationships, people will let us down. So how do we actually deal with this in the context of God?

Feel it first.Journal it, sit with it, cry about it. Allow yourself to grieve. But we cannot let the sadness be the driving force. Jacob literally wrestled with God until his hip broke (Genesis 32:24-32). Job said everything he felt out loud and God met him in it. Grief expressed before God is not weakness. It is relationship. Going back to the marriage imagery we know communication is what makes a relationship last. Honestly sometimes with God, I just look up and start ranting. It's so freeing.

Test what you're told. I watched a video recently of a woman who said she stopped believing in God because a prophet told her something would happen and it didn't. Honestly the situation was heartbreaking. However, we are instructed to test the words of prophets (1 John 4:1, 1 Thessalonians 5:20-21) and to hold everything against the word of God. We can ask God for confirmation like Gideon did (Judges 6:36-40). We can ask for direction like Moses did. We cannot stake our faith on the words of people.

Remind yourself of what He has already done.The moments He came through. The promises He fulfilled. Even the smallest blessings. This is why documenting matters. Whether that's a journal, photos, videos, little notes so that in the hard seasons you don't forget the goodness of God. In relationships this works the same way. You remind yourself of the good your person brings, why you chose them in the first place.

Accept redirection. I can be so sensitive that if my husband offers gentle advice on one of my ideas, my brain immediately goes *pause*, was my idea terrible? Did I have it all wrong? I can even be stubborn and stand firm that my idea was amazinggggg until I deep it wasn't. But the goal isn't to be so stubborn that you block out wisdom. Not everything God redirects is a rejection. A lot of it only makes sense five years down the line. Hindsight is good but we don't always need to learn the hard way. Sometimes we just need to humble ourselves and listen (Proverbs 1:7, Proverbs 3:5-6).

This is not what I planned is a sentence most of us have said; about a season of life, career choice, where  you'd be by a certain age, a prayer that didn't get the answer we wanted. But the question sitting underneath all of it is: who are you actually following?The vision or the God who gave it?

Because He may not be doing what you planned. But He is doing something. And unlike Sharpay, the story doesn't end at the disruption.

Today's journal prompts:
1. What is a vision I would love to lay before God?
2. What has God already done for me that I can express gratitude for?
3. If you've faced any disappointment lately,  what would you like to say to God about it?