Wait... Who Am I?

This past weekend I went on a youth retreat surrounding the theme of 'Identity'. It was a real eye opener and quite interesting. One of the things that really stood out was this game that we played based on the topic of our values. In this game you had to choose 8 cards of qualities you either already possess or aspire to have. There were 4 categories to choose from: Personality, Physical Attributes, Social Standing and Other Attributes (eg. imaginative). From each category you had to pick 2 cards. However it was tricky because someone could have already taken the card you wished to have so, then you had to decide whether you valued that trait so much that you would purchase it from them (with fake money of course) or just select something else. Whilst it was fun it was also a moment of awakening in the sense that I really had to evaluate myself and take time to think about who I am as a person and what I want to be. What made it even more trickier was that I had to do this self evaluation in front of a group of people whom I had never met before. It was a real challenge but it has inspired my post for today....

By now, if you've been reading from day one you will know that I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I've began to acknowledge that neither of these mental health problems define me. But then I have begun to ponder what or who actually defines me? Who am I really? What is my purpose? What do I bring to this world? I know I'm not the only one who has these questions spinning around in their minds. This is why I think self evaluation is necessary for everyone. Even if you do know who you are it's still good to retrace your steps and see if you are on the right path to your goals. You can do this by sitting down and just jotting down how you would personally describe yourself and what other traits you would long to possess. You can do this in a group or by yourself. Whatever makes you more comfortable. But note that if you do consider self evaluation in a group setting what you say can be influenced by what you think those around you could possible see you as.

Over this weekend and with my own self evaluation I have discovered that as much as I can try to run away from God he won't leave me. My identity is in Christ. He created me. He breathed life into me. My purpose is to serve Him daily no matter what it takes. I've really been struggling on my Christian walk but I'm ready to make a change. I had to learn the hard way. Recently I stopped going to church and took a little dip in troubled waters. I decided to put myself in situations where I really shouldn't have gone and I made plenty of mistakes. Do you know how I came to my senses? I ended up getting hurt. I remember just lying in my bed just crying. I felt numb. I hadn't been real with my emotions and it all became overwhelming. Then I prayed and at once I felt at peace. From that moment I knew it was going to be hard but I had to be real with myself.

That's the most important thing in this journey called life. Whether you are religious or not being real with yourselves and others will get you far. I'm not saying to be self critical and put yourself down but really do analyse yourself and then take baby steps from there. The purpose of this post was really for you to begin to think about you as a person and your self worth. I would also like to add that everyone, everywhere is loved, wanted, beautiful (inside and out) and deserves peace and happiness.

As usual if you need me to pray with you or talk with you I'm always here.

Thanks for reading